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These descriptions attempt to explain concepts that cannot be captured by language alone. While comprehending them intellectually through language may be necessary, it is not sufficient. To appreciate them fully, we must also experience them directly, firsthand, through practice. See also theory vs. practice.
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Attachment is a kind of mental state that becomes known by awareness. It refers to the psychological and emotional narrowing that happens when we grasp at pleasant experiences or resists unpleasant ones. It's a restrictive state that limits the scope of awareness, forcing it into a dualistic framework where experiences are categorized as good or bad, desirable or undesirable.
As all things in life are impermanent, attachment can turn into mental anguish when something we’re attached to changes or disappears. This isn’t of course to say that attachment is always bad, but through NDM we can learn to be more deliberate about the things in life we deem important enough to become attached to.
Attachment is often the source of rumination. When there is strong attachment to an idea, outcome, or emotion, it can lead to the mind's inability to move past it. This clinging can then manifest as rumination, a type of thinking pattern where the mind continually and unproductively revisits the subject of attachment. It's a continuous dwelling on the thoughts or concerns related to some attachment.
Consider an individual who becomes attached to their job title and the status it brings, viewing it as a critical part of their self-worth and identity. This attachment leads to a strong desire to maintain this status and a fear of losing it. A change occurs, such as a job loss or demotion, and the status associated with the previous title is threatened or lost. This change triggers intense emotions such as anxiety, sadness, or anger, and the loss feels deeply personal.
The individual begins to ruminate on the loss, replaying events leading up to it, questioning their abilities, and worrying about future prospects. The thoughts become obsessive, and they may constantly think about how to regain the lost status or what they could have done differently.
But you may say…
Well, I hear what you're saying about rumination leading to suffering and stress, but I can't help but think that without rumination, I wouldn't really understand what went wrong.
If I don't replay the events, question my abilities, and feel that sting of loss, how will I know what mistakes to avoid in the future? Isn't that intense focus on the past what drives me to learn and grow?
While it's natural to reflect on past experiences, learn from mistakes, and use that insight to fuel motivation and growth, rumination often goes beyond constructive reflection. It can become a repetitive and distressing loop of thought that doesn't lead to productive action or deeper understanding. In contrast, NDM encourages a mindful and non-judgmental awareness of thoughts and experiences.
Through NDM, you can explore the events and feelings without getting trapped in a cycle of obsessive thinking. By observing thoughts and emotions with curiosity and compassion, you can discern the valuable lessons and make a commitment to change without dwelling on regret or self-criticism. It allows for a clear recognition of what went wrong and what can be done differently next time without the emotional turmoil that often accompanies rumination.
In essence, NDM offers a way to have your cake and eat it too. You can extract the "cash value" of regret, learning, and motivation without becoming ensnared in the unhelpful aspects of rumination. It fosters a balanced and wise relationship with experiences, allowing for growth and change while maintaining mental well-being. By approaching life's challenges and changes with mindful awareness and non-attachment, you cultivate a resilience and flexibility that supports positive change without unnecessary suffering.