Episode 46: Why I Push Friends Away Even When I Care About Them | Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

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https://rss.com/podcasts/youatyourbest/2605169/

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Description:

In this week's reflection episode, I discuss the reality of having a fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment style in friendships. I share my own experience and unpack the reason why I am stable/anxious romantically, but anxious/avoidant platonically. This episode is about facing the painful parts of ourselves so we can grow into better friends and better people.

This episode is more of a story than a structured explanation. As I talk through the experience, the deeper context and realizations unfold naturally along the way.

🌙 In this episode, I share:

• What fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment looks like in friendships
• Why I pushed friends away even when I cared about them deeply
• The shame of realizing I hurt someone I loved
• Questioning my sexuality because of emotional confusion in friendships
• Feeling misunderstood and carrying silent emotional pain
• Self-sabotage, guilt, and learning how to forgive myself

Additional Thoughts:

I wrote a poem for this episode, but I have realized I wrote it in my speaking voice and not in my typical writing style (which is writing from inside an emotion). That makes sense, because I wrote it specifically for this episode, as kind of an outline. I plan to edit it later. To make it more about the feeling than reflecting on the feeling. But I also really like the unedited version. It shows the more reflective side of me. Here it is:

https://www.notion.so/Friendship-struggles-unfinished-poem-I-m-working-on-31bfbd79ed6380269cd7eeae8e705a0b?source=copy_link

Playlist for This Episode:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QOSyqaqeELiWF6dY87ULP?si=SOyBng1dTRGl7eHjOoVBhw

Journal Prompts of the Week:

1. What feels different about romantic closeness vs platonic closeness?
2. What story do I carry about friendships?