I tend to relate romantic love songs to female friendships.

Because for me, friendships have always been higher stakes.

I have a different attachment style romantically than I do platonically.

Romantically, I’m more secure, and anxious.

But with friendships, I’m fearful-avoidant.

Connection with women is where the intensity lives.

Where the emotional risk shows up.

And because of that, I became very aware of something:

I need more from my friends than they need from me.

So instead of being honest, I push them away.

Because I believe that if I tell them the truth, they will see how unstable and unpredictable I was.

It feels easier to hurt them than to risk them hurting me.

If I leave first, then I have the control.

Being the weird one who cared too much was too painful to face.

Growing up, I became friends with many girls who didn’t care as much as I did.

Every time I got close to a girl and we formed a deep bond,

She would move away.

Every.

Single.

Time.