May 3rd, 2018

Thursday Thoughts - a less intense version of Sunday Scaries.

Even with something as unstructured, unsexy, and undefined as this quip, any canvas seems to imply you have grand things to say. Most quip entries start with a necessary self-induced “don't overthink this, just write what you are thinking.”

I may look back on this period of my 20s and think he had a lot of fundamentals and right thinking but he just didn't tie it together and put a bow on it.

A great story is akin to heavy cream. Put heavy cream on, in, or with anything, and it's good. Take $1 burnt cart coffee and add heavy cream = delicious. Take $4 fancy coffee beans from your roaster of choice and add heavy cream = same level of delicious. I don't even think this is being insecure or overly worried about others, I just think those with a cart coffee work ethic, intellect, or character are beating me cause they're playing the game. Each post, story, tweet, and interaction gets a dab of heavy cream. People eat that shit up.

I'm confident about the inputs. That's my line. That's a daily thought and frame of mind. Where I get scared is...

maybe I am deluding myself and using the inputs #trusttheprocess as a self-defensive mechanism.

• Continuing to eat healthy and work out to be looking and feeling good (tl;dr lean '18) but not actually date.
• Continuing to write, express my perspectives, and jot down ideas but never publish a post.
• Continuing to observe and call out what I perceive to be weak players or players playing a weak hand in the game of biz but not committing myself to building something great.

I simultaneously know I have a good understanding of the game while continuing to be a non-factor. This thought hasn't really occurred to me but I may be lacking in confidence. Or maybe the naivety has worn off and a normal level of youthful confidence and drive is being overcome.

Write more. If I just wrote more here, emails to friends across the country, and took chief of staff type notes for biz, things would be better. Almost a constant...don't know what to do, write. Don't scroll, don't tweet, don't watch youtube, just write more than you do all of those other things.