now what do I write? sci-fi can start with journalism perhaps, since that is my taste.
breathing is so magical. so is any creature. machines don’t wow me as easily.
Piggy says sometimes she forgets how to walk. So she’d learn to walk again. Would someone forget how to breathe? They would die!
I read Junzi again. The part about being useful in the society is interesting. The “gap layer” steps are powerful. The being young and worrying when seeing other ages, the finding comfort and fear in nature, these are persistent.
which character do you like the most?:
1
Mymy put the disk on the floor. Whenever her eyes itch from watching videos, she turns her head and waits for cosmic visitors. Fairy often says that it’s because Mymy thinks too much that she is at times unhappy. She would squeeze her eyes shut and scrunch her nose, effortfully imagine the particles passing through her body. Articles say they are flying through her, about 100 trillion per second. She is scared of the dark, but she can’t hold off wanting to think about the dots in the dark, so she no longer stops herself. She rotate her head to contour the shape of the entire atmosphere, and wait for arrivals from all directions. Apparently cosmic rays fly at 99% of light speed, so it would take ten or so minutes to come from the sun, and a few years from other major heavenly bodies. In the minutes of eyes closed, it was easy to imagine that she herself was also a particle. Her breathing slows by that. She thinks that the particles should sound like the cool supersonic “boom”, with a “bop” of the colliding blackhole. Magnetic fields violently throw them out of orbit; some things slightly bend their direction; when they hit the Earth’s atmosphere, they blow up into many tiny specks and shower down.
2
Every barnacle (senile wart, 老年斑) tells me, the me now is not me, my life now is not completely human. Sometimes I see my hand tremble automatically, and imagine that the me that drives my muscles, the “not human” me, is conquering my body gradually. Growing old is a play about losing dignity. I would rather go back to the dependency mode of childhood; At least then every activity constraint was a potential. Now an opportunity is on the table in front of me. Science shows young people’s blood ban my old cells from corrupting. Question 7 in “36 questions to fall in love” asks: do you want a 30 year old body or a 30 year old mind for ever? The question never made sense to me. Of course body!
3
From a developmental psychology angle: at some point children realize people die, world ends. They become very afraid and sad. But their curiosity presses over the fear. In the second stage, when they learn the world, they use senses and thinking to ask questions that cannot be solved by feeling, with answers from the outside. In the third stage, they rediscover their independent ways of getting knowledge and creating new information. Some people create within a stable and free environment. Most learning is balancing the process of acquiring necessary and desirable information.
4
I have consciousness: I can feel temperature, nutrient location, danger existence.
I am not interested in moving, moving like other organisms.
A human architect said he wanted to live like a tree. Every growth left a trace.
I met a gut microbiome last year. We are very different. I do not help him survive.
what I wanted to tell Dasha as the most important wish
How to free myself? Stop career anxiety and external motivation? Believe in myself? Feel connected?