What I realized this week was that I had "enough" of most everything and felt good mentally and physically. There were a few things that just kicked me off my progress around mid week, where I let off the gas by rewarding myself with things that don't serve me any longer. I need to rethink what a "reward" is for me now. It's not food, it's not beer, it's not mindless. I do feel like there's something off with me physically, something out of balance, so I'll be looking into that.
Proud of editing 6 episodes
Proud of securing bookings through April 7th for the show
Proud of putting my head down and getting stuff done that I'm not excited about
Proud of getting the next roller hockey league going and up to 6 teams
Proud of putting thoughts together about the company
Grateful for the universe continuing to send me momentum and opportunities
Grateful for the chats Cori and I can have
Grateful that Cori can share how she's really doing with me
Grateful for the many people that love and care about me
Grateful for what we have and the comforts of our lifestyle
Grateful for the unconditional love from Nibs
Grateful for our future pup, Norman Waffles (he'll be one of the boys in this litter)
This morning I just need to write. I want to back through the week and reflect, but what I need first is to get out what is top of mind. I'm sitting here with a mixed bag of emotions. I didn't sleep well last night, my allergies were bad, I was hot, I ate a bunch of unhealthy food, and even though I didn't eat after 8pm and had my normal pre-bed routine, I still didn't sleep well for all those obvious reasons. I feel groggy, I feel rushed, I feel pressure. Which is so unfortunate because I had a really lovely week overall. But I made some decisions that compounded in a negative way (diet, spending) and I'm disappointed in myself because I had such positive momentum and now I feel like I'm standing still at this moment in time even though that's not the case.
I feel this pull, this desire right now to build. To focus on building while not sacrificing other things in life that are important to me. I got a lot of really good building stuff done this week so why am I beating myself up right now? And I think it's because of a conversation Cori and I had this weekend about choices. All of my choices this week are really top of mind and I'm regretting them. What I'm not going to do is ruminate on them. I'm not going to pretend I can go back and change them. I'm going to accept them and make new choices with my learned experience. What I'm reflecting on is how many of them are really micro decisions, like getting Shake Shack on Saturday night. It sounds silly just writing that out and thinking about the fact that I'm beating myself up for it. Or for spending too much at the grocery store. Or for eating too many cookies yesterday and getting a growler. Or for betting and losing on the Super Bowl. Let it go, this is not worth my time and energy, there are bigger things that need you. Learn, do it differently next time. And now I think I can get to my reflections.
Micro decisions and being in alignment with my values
I'm in the middle of a bit of a life shift. One where I'm more aware of my values and my priorities and I have the desire to make decisions based on them. What's hard is unwiring some of the things I wouldn't think twice about and now need to to create new learned behaviors. How do I spend my time? Where do I spend our money? What do I put into my body? So much of this comes down to wanting to run my own company and organization, to be independent so that some of these decisions don't have to be so conscious. And now I'm just stuck, looking at the screen, not sure what to write, with tons of thoughts swirling in my mind. I think it's because subconsciously I know people might read this and it's more raw than what I write. And it's also revealing putting down more real time thoughts. Most of the time these flow out and I'm on my way, but today it's not. It's a grind. I'm full of thoughts about choices this week.