We all experience love in many forms. Some find it in the simple joys of sunshine and rainbows, or the distinct feelings of summer warmth and winter chill. Others cherish the aroma of morning coffee or the comfort of their bed at night. Still others seek it in the thrill of travel and adventure.
The dictionary defines love as a blend of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs, marked by strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for a person, thing, or even an idea. But can such a complex emotion truly be confined to a definition, especially when it applies to everything from people to cars to abstract concepts?
To truly grasp the essence of love, we can turn to the ancient Greeks. Instead of a single, all-encompassing word, they used seven distinct words to describe love's varied manifestations.
Eros, often seen as passionate love, is arguably the most prevalent type of love in our modern world. It's driven by a desire for pleasure—the quintessential "love at first sight" where physical attraction takes precedence, even before knowing someone's name.
Most romantic relationships begin with eros. It's intense, sometimes even a bit obsessive. However, this form of love can be perplexing, leading to the age-old debate of "love vs. lust." Both involve intense physical attraction and a strong desire for closeness, even with someone you've just met.
Some differentiate them by their longevity: if the emotion is fleeting, it's lust; if it lingers, it's love. But does lust simply transform into love over time? And if so, how long does this transition take? When does lust become love?
This is a complex question that we often overlook. Science and human biology offer some insight, suggesting three stages of falling in love, beginning with lust. This initial stage is fueled by testosterone in men and estrogen in women.
So, when does lust become love? That's stage two. This is when we experience a "high" from seeing, speaking to, or even just thinking about someone—a euphoria akin to the feeling derived from drugs or alcohol. Here, testosterone and estrogen are replaced by dopamine, creating happiness and excitement, adrenaline, triggering fight or flight responses, and norepinephrine, keeping us alert.
This is why falling in love feels like an addictive rush, like driving at 120 miles per hour with no brakes. Your palms sweat, your knees feel weak, your arms are heavy, and your heart races. This intense feeling is love.
Sometimes, love doesn't start with lust; it begins with friendship. It's knowing someone so well you can anticipate their reactions to any situation. Philia is intimacy—authentic, kind, warm, and encouraging.
Love is a best friend you've known since childhood, always desiring the best for the other person, a selfless goodwill. In today's world, philia seems to be diminishing. We accumulate millions of followers and subscribers but have few genuine friends. We curate a perfect view of our lives for public consumption, yet allow no one behind the curtain.
Philia is a sense of camaraderie, calling someone brother or sister even without blood relation. It's about loyalty, sacrifice, and vulnerability.
Ultimately, love is a choice.
Love isn't always serious or permanent. When it's fleeting, it isn't necessarily lust. Ludus describes a love built on infatuation, flirtation, and fun.