A weekly look at what we have and what we may need
The best of captains (like you), even with current maps and up-to-date navigational devices will still need to check their bearings regularly.
This can happen... a) *off the cuff, *****if trust is high and you feel to just make a request in the moment and/or b) during Nightly Check-Ins for gentle, consistent guidance and less seismic requests which can create amazing consistency and stability, and c) during Weekly Inventories, especially for larger, sensitive issues.
Weekly Inventories insure consistency & stability and staying on course.
For Weekly Inventories, pick a regular time i.e. Sunday morning, afternoon etc. Once you build some momentum, these meetings usually only take 10 or 15 minutes.
1) Weekly planning (OPTIONAL)
****Family time, date time, church/civic obligations, kids etc.
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2) Celebrate what’s been going well i.e.
“I think what’s been going well for us is _____.”
Note: Whatever you celebrate expands. Whatever you appreciate, appreciates! This first part is actually a big deal.
**3) Brief review of current couple agreements ...**agreements you’ve made with each other that are easy to forget but important to remember.
Note,: We suggest creating either a folder on your phone or a three-ring binder or notebook for your "Getting To Know You" notes and your current couple agreements.
Introduce a new request or update a sensitive existing agreement.
1) Enrollment - “There’s something I’d like to cover today. Would that be alright?” This is best done at close proximity, within 6 to 18 inches of each other, chair to chair, face to face. Once you have the floor (and hopefully, his or her heart), suggest either a Peace Talk (a little more open ended) or Love Seat (very structured).
*2) Request & Agreement - Conclude your Peace Talk or Love Seat with a request and agreement, including a description of how the agreement might look for you, or create clarity and, if needed, further solutions on an existing couple agreement and/or
3) **Boundary If needed (and inspired) lovingly explain possible consequences i.e. “If this keeps happening I may have to get some extended time out, and/or do some extra shopping” or whatever your boundary is. Note that explaining your boundaries usually happens in a Peace Talk or Love Seat. If needed, please do not hesitate to set up a meeting with me (John).
Click here to set up an appointment.
4) Check in with each other to make sure you both feel good about what you’ve talked about and the solutions you arrived at. Limit Part 2 to no more than 30 minutes. Don’t drown each other in your need to get it your way. If you haven’t reached a solution, that’s O.K.! You can come back to it.
5) Other Spouse's Issue - If there’s time, and if you’re not out of emotional space, you could switch directions and go again, otherwise, get to other spouse’s request next week. No more than 30 minutes total in Part 2.
*Describing how something might look i.e. “I’d love it if you would do your best to be a little bit more present during dinner. How that could look is that you leave your phone in the bedroom.”
*Coming BACK to an issue. Don’t drill an issue into the ground or drown your spouse in your need to get it your way. There will always be more time to work it out. But work yourself out first. These kinds of peaceful conversations don’t work, unless there’s peace.