<aside>

Note: Concerning. I don’t remember half of it, which is good. Written after yet another incident of attempting to make Ammi understand. As usual, she didn’t. And thinks she does. bruh.

</aside>

I choke myself I hurt myself I scratch myself till I bleed

And I don’t know if it’s because of stress or hatred At this point I’ll scream.

You ask me why I’m so messed up why i act like I’m suffering why i think that I’m so lowly but you don’t even know that, do you?

i think i don’t deserve a thing i think I’m stupid and too privileged i think I’m passionate about nothing i think I don’t have a right to this

why can i laugh while someone cries why can i cry while someone dies i should be dead right with them why am i here alive and breathing

you say being alive is a blessing you say I’m ungrateful you tell me to see people lower and think of how much i have

but no i am grateful i’m suffering because i’m grateful i don’t see the point of this what the hell is your problem

ok, i have parents i tell you i love you to make sure you’re happy i say hello to remind you you have people i tell you i love your food and I TRY I TRY TO REPAY IN EVERY WAY I CAN

my face burns and my head aches my throat is sore but then again, you wouldn’t know why

why should i tell you when i don’t trust you why should i tell you anything at all just throw me into a ditch and see if it makes any difference after all

i remain silent on the brightest of days no one seems to listen or hear you’re there, do you care? i feel unheard, is that bad?

i hate this, i hate me who’s fault is it but ours? don’t blame me, i’m not the only one at fault

no don’t you dare say that i’ve been seething here for ages my hatred for you begot my hatred for myself it’s not just my fault

you tell me you were never treated that way tell me why you deserved that and not i why cant i be dealt with just the same maybe you’re not them but why

I’d rather be stabbed with a knife than hear your words rather be chopped up outside than inside you’ve ruined my mind, my thoughts, my life why not destroy my body as well?

you believe it’s change that hurts me so no, it’s you that hurts me so the pain that comes from living with you the pain that ‘everyone’ has to face?

i don’t have much on my case i live a pretty happy life but here’s to hoping i will find some hope elsewhere in the end