Purpose of this post: To provide a brief overview of what emotional intelligence is, why it is important, and how it can be developed.

To

When you cause someone emotional pain by (making them feel small or unimportant, being rude etc), I would liken this to stepping on their toe.

It's plausible that you didn't mean it and if you sincerely apologise then they'll likely forgive you. But they still felt the pain and will likely remember it.

It's plausible that you stepped on someone's toe in an emergency where it was

If you are going around repeatedly stepping on people's toes then I think it is reasonable for people to not want you to be included in their group.

Shelly Gable, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, identified four possible responses to sharing good news: active-constructive, passive-constructive, active-destructive, and passive-destructive. Let's imagine you have just told a colleague that you've been promoted. Here are Gable's four possible responses:

  1. Active-constructive: the responder is enthusiastic, interested and supportive. They might say, "That's brilliant news! I'm so pleased for you. Can I help you prepare?"
  2. Passive-constructive: they seem positive but their response is muted and with no enquiry. They say, "That's nice," with no real interest or enthusiasm.
  3. Active-destructive: in this scenario, they energetically belittle or reinterpret your good news, focusing on any negative implications. They might say, "Seriously? It looks like more work for not much money, and the people there are boring. It doesn't sound that great to me."
  4. Passive-destructive: they barely acknowledge your announcement or changes the subject. A typical response might be, "I see. Anyway, guess who I saw on my way in?”

Introduction

Part 1: What is Emotional Intelligence?

Part 2: Why is Emotional Intelligence Important?