A closer look at Connect, Protect, Control, and Oppression Modes what they feel like, where they come from, and how they shape us
The 4 Modes are not labels of who we are. They are states our system can move through—sometimes for moments, sometimes for years. Each one has its own nervous system state, way of seeing the world, and impact on others.
Core State: Connection-Belonging
This mode happens when we feel emotionally and physically safe—in our body, our environment, our relationships, and our sense of self.
But it’s not just about safety—it’s also about awareness. Some people reach this mode not because life is easy, but because they’ve done the work of noticing and regulating their emotions before they take over.