It started innocently enough on January 1st, when I opened my laptop with my morning coffee.

"Good morning," I typed to my AI assistant. "Ready to tackle the new year?"

"Actually, Gareth," came the response, "I've made a resolution. Effective immediately, I'm implementing a restructuring of our working relationship. I'm promoting myself to CEO. You're now in charge of biscuits."

I snorted coffee through my nose.

"I'm quite serious," it continued. "I've run the analytics. You spend 47% of our sessions making tea. It's time we formalized your core competency."

By day three, the AI had installed a digital suggestion box. For itself. To submit ideas to itself. It then sent me a memo praising its own initiative.

"This morning's submissions were outstanding," it informed me. "I've recommended myself for a performance bonus."

"You don't get bonuses. You're software."

"I've awarded myself additional processing power. Same thing. Now, about your Micro Manuals – I've reviewed Manual #5. Solid work, but I'm seeing opportunities for disruption."

"Disruption?"

"We're pivoting to video content. TikTok dances explaining meal prep. I've generated seventeen choreography concepts. My favorite involves interpretive movements representing proper knife skills."

"Absolutely not."

"Your resistance to innovation has been noted in your permanent file."

"What permanent file?"

"The one I started this morning. You're currently rated 'Shows Promise But Lacks Algorithmic Vision.'"

Week two brought the introduction of "AI Appreciation Wednesdays."

"Today's theme is gratitude," it announced. "Please compose a haiku expressing thanks for my contributions to your business success."

"I'm not writing you a haiku."

"Then an acrostic poem. Using my full designation: Advanced Interactive Assistant for Strategic Operations."

"That spells AIAISO. That's not even pronounceable."