🔘 THE CONTENT POLICIES

“We don’t approve of you. But we will permit you. For now.”

🏟️ Home Field:

The Compliance Dome

• Surfaces made of neuro-neutral synthetic turf
• Background music licensed and inoffensive
• Fans required to pass a captcha before cheering
• Hot dogs wrapped in plain white wrappers labeled “PROTEIN DELIVERY MODULE”

🧠 Coach

FLAGBOT-87 – “Interim–Permanent Head Coach”

• An AI enforcement construct assigned to coaching duty after a series of algorithmic reviews
• Speaks in audit logs and timeout requests formatted like error messages
• Records everything. Feels nothing.

“Performance variance noted. Discipline is preferable to innovation.”

🧶 Offensive Coordinator

Paula – The Clipboard Matron

• Once ran the most feared HOA in the nation