Now, I must tell you about Constable Bartholomew Badger.

He has lived in Willowburrow all his life. He knows every cobblestone, every chimney pot, and every resident — including the ones he considers Persons of Interest.

The ferrets are always on that list.

Constable Badger keeps three things with him at all times: his notebook, his magnifying glass, and his dignity. He has never, to my knowledge, misplaced any of them.

On the morning of the Terrible Crime, Constable Badger arrived at the Post Office at eight o'clock precisely, as he always did, to check that his official sign was properly displayed.

It was not.

His sign — which read NO LOITERING IN AN OFFICIAL CAPACITY and had stood outside the Post Office for seven years — was now standing outside Tabitha's Tea Room, four doors down.

Constable Badger stared at it for a long time.

Then he opened his notebook.

"Evidence of deliberate repositioning," he said gravely, writing this down. "Motive: unknown. Suspects: several."

He looked at Pip and Whisker Ferret, who were sitting on the tea room step, eating biscuits.

"Circumstantial," he said.

Robin Redbreast, naturally, had already filed his report.

"BREAKING," he announced from the chimney pot. "Village sign VANDALISED. Law enforcement BAFFLED. Is NOWHERE safe? More updates to follow."

Constable Badger wrote something in his notebook about inaccurate reporting.

He spent the morning taking statements. Mrs Partridge hadn't seen anything. Mr Mole had been asleep. The sparrows had no comment. Tabitha Cat said she'd been inside all evening and certainly hadn't moved any signs, and would the Constable like a scone?

He took the scone. He did not consider it a bribe.

He was no closer to an answer.