By TM Rashika Suneja
What if your communication doesn’t improve not because you lack talent - but because you lack alignment? What if confidence isn’t something you “gain,” but something you build quietly through repetition? And what if the real reason your resolutions fail is not motivation, but identity? These questions challenge a belief many of us carry into every New Year - that change begins with a strong decision. But experience, psychology, and practice tell us something deeper.
Every New Year begins with resolutions. Speak better, Gain confidence, Improve communication. We write them down, say them aloud, maybe even share them with others. For a few weeks, enthusiasm fuels effort. And then - slowly, silently - most resolutions fade. Not because we don’t care. Not because we aren’t capable. But because intent alone does not create habits. The missing link is not motivation. The missing link is identity-driven action.
Psychology explains this gap well. Behavioral science shows that people do not act consistently based on what they want, but on who they believe they are. If I see myself as “someone who wants to be confident,” my actions are occasional. If I see myself as “a communicator in practice,” my actions become predictable. This is where most resolutions collapse. They are outcome-focused and time-bound: ● “I will speak confidently.” ● “I will stop hesitating.” ● “I will improve my communication.”
But communication does not improve through declarations. It improves through process, repetition, and accountability. That realization reshaped my belief system.
I reached a point where I consciously chose a different path: “I do not make resolutions. I make reflective commitments that grow into skills.” “I do not make resolutions. I make responsible repetitions that build confidence.” This shift - from promise to practice - changed everything. Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve?” I began asking, “Who am I becoming through what I repeatedly do?” That question anchors action.
When we know why we want to speak better, our efforts become consistent. Identity answers the question: “Who am I becoming?” Toastmasters played a critical role in this alignment. It didn’t just help me perform better - it helped me see myself differently: Not as someone “trying” to speak. But as someone actively practicing communication. That identity shift reduced hesitation, increased openness, and built quiet confidence.
One of the biggest lessons I learned is that Accountability transforms intention into behavior. In communication growth, accountability answers uncomfortable but essential questions: ● Who notices when I show up - or don’t? ● Who gives me honest feedback? ● Who helps me reflect, not retreat? Without accountability, improvement remains accidental. Psychologists call this social commitment bias. When our actions are visible to others, we are far more likely to follow through. The brain values consistency between self-image and behavior. Toastmasters naturally build this mechanism. Meeting roles create responsibility. Speeches create visibility. Evaluations create reflection. Accountability is no longer external pressure - it becomes internal discipline.