Important Note: There are many hyperlinks below leading to other principles and practices. Depending on where you are in your reading of CGPS and/or coaching it might be good for now to not click on them. For now, just take in this document, "Managing Outgoing - The Request List Protocol."
Insisting on working through an issue right now is simply pursuing and amplifying our story of how we've been wronged - Natalie Clay (Couples Coach)
Read these first and the rest of this document later.
There are times when you "need to talk." Your "need" by definition, reveals a certain amount of hurt, upset, disappointment etc. (all known as “outgoing"), which, when presented to your spouse, usually doesn't go over well. What to do. 🙄
Note that "Managing Outgoing" is only one side of the issues management court. The other side is "Managing Incoming." Sometimes you'll be on one side of the court- sometimes the other. If either of you succeed, from either side, you both win.
It's helpful, before approaching "we need to talk" to take a closer look at where your coming from. This starts with understanding of what's called "story."
A “story”, in Couples GPS vernacular, means “a negative interpretation of an event.” There are of course positive stories, love stories, victory stories etc. But when I say “story”, I’m not talking about these. I’m talking about “stories” of “victim”, “distrust” & “helplessness.”
Consider this example: A man was driving along a country road at about 2 in the morning when one of his tires went flat. He pulled over and got out of the car to assess the damage. He definitely had a flat and needed a jack, but he didn’t have one.
