Episode 34: Showing Up Imperfectly

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https://rss.com/podcasts/youatyourbest/2357418/

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Description:

In today's reflection episode, I discuss some personal struggles I have been dealing with and what it means to show up even when you aren't perfect. I share ways I have been reframing my mindset around these situations.

I discuss:

Breakdown of what is discussed & additional thoughts:

This episode. I really needed it. I struggle with perfectionism. I think it’s one of my biggest flaws sometimes LOL. I first thought to make this episode because of my own struggle with the need for everything I do to be extravagant. I often find myself feeling like my podcast episodes have to be incredibly insightful, or else people won’t see the depth I carry as a human being. I experience things deeply. I speak from honestly and vulnerability. And I have this intense need to make that known in every single episode, even if I’m completely burned out. I struggle to allow myself to be imperfect, because what if people don’t see me? My perfectionism stems from an intense devotion to everything I do. I need to do things right. Or else people might think I’m a fake, that I’m unworthy of my podcast. Mostly, because I feel unworthy of my podcast.

As a girl who had a difficult childhood, I have this intense need to reverse every wrong tha happened to me as a child, with my child. I need to do everything right with my daughter. Every little moment, every single moment has to be perfect. Because I can’t stand the thought of Clemmy feeling even an ounce of what I felt as a child. So, I aggressively researched everything I need to know about child psychology when I was pregnant. It eventually became a special interest and something I genuinely loved learning about, but it was still exhausting nonetheless. I felt like the entirety of my daughter’s well-being was in my hands alone. Not because it was true, but because I was terrified of anything going wrong.

I have learned to reframe my perfectionism as genuine love and care, reminding myself that this isn’t something I should ever be ashamed of. It’s a personality trait that probably grew stronger due to trauma, and definitely causes me an immense amount if distress, but it’s also me. It’s something I’m proud of. Something I love and cherish. Because it’s me. And I love all of me.

Although I love this about myself, I still want to reduce my own suffering, as well as that of others who struggle like me. The reminders in this episode help reframe the perfectionism mindset.

  1. What if I’m not a perfect mom? What if my podcast isn’t good enough? What if people see how messy my home is and think that I am unworthy? Truth is, my perfectionism actually has nothing to do with wanting things to be perfect. It stems from my desire to be seen, to feel worthy. As a child, I was taught that I had to be perfect to be understood. I had to explain things perfectly, or do things in the perfect way, or I was wrong. Now that I’m an almost 23-year-old adult, that same fear is still inside of me. These themes come up randomly throughout the episode, because this episode is a reflection episode. So, it is less structured.
  2. Showing up is what’s most important. Not showing up perfectly. Imperfect presence feels more real, more human, more safe, and more comforting than anything that’s over-produced.
  3. Consistently showing up imperfectly shows you that you can trust yourself to do hard things.
  4. A lot of us don’t realize that perfectionism isn’t really about perfectionism. It’s about fear. that anxiety we feel is our brain’s way of protecting us from things we don’t understand.