Defining moments

• When people assess an experience , they tend to forget or ignore its length — a phenomenon called “ duration neglect.” Instead, they seem to rate the experience based on two key moments:

  1. the best or worst moment , known as the “ peak ”
  2. the ending

  Psychologists call it the “peak - end rule.”

• When we assess our experiences, we don’t average our minute - by - minute sensations . Rather, we tend to remember flagship moments: the peaks , the pits , and the transitions .

• Peak moments can be engineered and can become defining moments

• Some moments are vastly more meaningful than others.

• ELEVATION: Defining moments rise above the everyday.

  1. They provoke not just transient happiness, like laughing at a friend’s joke, but memorable delight.
  2. To construct elevated moments, we must boost sensory pleasures — the Popsicles must be delivered poolside on a silver tray , of course — and , if appropriate , add an element of surprise.
  3. Surprise can warp our perceptions of time
  4. Moments of elevation transcend the normal course of events ; they are literally extraordinary .

• INSIGHT: Defining moments rewire our understanding of ourselves or the world.

  1. In a few seconds or minutes, we realize something that might influence our lives for decades: Now is the time for me to start this business . Or, This is the person I’m going to marry .
  2. The psychologist Roy Baumeister studied life changes that were precipitated by a “crystallization of discontent,” moments when people abruptly saw things as they were , such as cult members who suddenly realized the truth about their leader.
  3. These moments of insight often seem serendipitous, we can engineer them — or at the very least, lay the groundwork.

• PRIDE: Defining moments capture us at our best —

  1. Moments of achievement, moments of courage .
  2. To create such moments, we need to understand something about the architecture of pride — how to plan for a series of milestone moments that build on each other en route to a larger goal .

• CONNECTION: Defining moments are social —

  1. Weddings, graduations, baptisms, vacations, work triumphs, bar and bat mitzvahs, speeches, sporting events.
  2. These moments are strengthened because we share them with others .

Thinking in Moments

• The lack of attention paid to an employee’s first day is mind - boggling . What a wasted opportunity to make a new team member feel included and appreciated. Imagine if you treated a first date like a new employee : “ I’ve got some meetings stacked up right now , so why don’t you get settled in the passenger seat of the car and I’ll swing back in a few hours ? ”
• To avoid this kind of oversight , we must understand when special moments are needed . We must learn to think in moments , to spot the occasions that are worthy of investment .
• For an individual human being , moments are the thing.
• Moments are what we remember and what we cherish.
• Certainly we might celebrate achieving a goal, such as completing a marathon or landing a significant client — but the achievement is embedded in a moment .
• Every culture has its prescribed set of big moments: birthdays and weddings and graduations , of course , but also holiday celebrations and funeral rites and political traditions . They seem “ natural ” to us . But notice that every last one of them was invented , dreamed up by anonymous authors who wanted to give shape to time. This is what we mean by “thinking in moments”: to recognize where the prose of life needs punctuation .
• When a life transition lacks a “moment,” it can become formless .
• The fitness - tracking bracelet Fitbit presents users with awards such as the 747 Badge, 6 given for climbing 4,000 lifetime flights of stairs ( which rises roughly to the altitude that 747s fly ), and the Monarch Migration Badge, which is described as follows: “Every year the monarch butterfly migrates 2,500 miles to warmer climates. With the same lifetime miles in your pocket, you’re giving those butterflies some hot competition!”

Elevation