Neri's dad died at home, unexpectedly. He was 58. Organising the huge celebrations was overwhelming but Neri felt confident about probate.

14 minute read

<aside> <img src="" alt="" width="40px" /> Neri finds their dad, dead at his home


Oh my god, do you think I've killed him?

I come from a really close family. So my immediate and extended family spend lots of time together, and we're really close to our community in the local area. I have lots of friends who all grew up together, and we all know each other's families well. I visited my dad most days and he always seemed so happy and well every time.

But one day I went to Dad's house at 9am, and he was dead on the floor. I literally had no idea what to do. I called the police or an ambulance or something - I can't remember what. I was told to perform CPR – but it took about 15 minutes for them to get there, and it's hard work.

The paramedics arrived and told me he was dead, and then the police arrived and I had to be interviewed by the police as well. The coroners finally arrived about half four in the afternoon. And I was left with my dad alone for a good hour, between the police leaving and the coroners arriving. The police were very sympathetic, but it’s not nice, you know, I was thinking... oh my god, do you think I’ve killed him or something? It was so horrible.

I can't really remember, but I think they took my dad away in an ambulance.

<aside> <img src="" alt="" width="40px" /> 39% of deaths in the UK are sudden, compared to 50% which are expected (Making peace with death report, 2018)


It was shocking because it was all happening so fast

Dad's death was just totally out of the blue. We were all totally unprepared. It was surreal. It was sad. It was shocking because it was all happening so fast. If he was ill for a long period of time I could have prepared a bit more mentally. Now he's gone and I’m never going to see him again and what’s daunting and traumatising is that, you know, it’s final.

I'm just trying to process it and trying to get my head round it. Dad was still quite young. But we found out after the autopsy that he had heart problems he hadn't told anyone about. Until we knew that there was lots of speculating and confusion.

<aside> <img src="" alt="" width="40px" /> Unexpected death can result in speculation and a lot of questions among family and friends


<aside> <img src="" alt="" width="40px" /> The leading cause of deaths for males in the UK is ischaemic heart disease (Office of National Statistics)


<aside> <img src="" alt="" width="40px" /> 24% of people in the UK don't talk about death because they don't want other people to worry (Making peace with death report, 2018)