Growing up, I always knew something about me was different — I just didn’t know what it was yet.

As a child, I was still figuring out who I was. I was seen as a little boy, but deep down, I always felt something inside me that didn’t quite match what the world saw. I didn’t have the words for it back then — I just knew I felt out of place. My childhood wasn’t easy. I wasn’t born rich, but I wasn’t poor either. My family was doing okay. We had what we needed, but living in California made things harder. It’s a beautiful place, but also a tough one. Dangerous in many ways — not just physically, but emotionally too. And honestly, my childhood was far from great.

Even from a very young age, I never liked what people called “boy things.” I hated playing with action figures or trucks. What made me happy were dolls — Barbies, dress-up toys, anything feminine. I loved playing pretend and being in that world. My mom was the only one who would support that side of me. She would quietly buy me the toys I wanted, even though my dad hated it. He would never buy them for me, and he would get mad at her when she did. A lot of people in my family talked badly about me for it too — they didn’t understand, and some didn’t even try to.

Even my mom was unsure at times, but deep down, I think she just saw a kid who was expressing joy — and she let me have that, even when it wasn’t easy for her either. No matter what, she’s always tried her best to support me.

Another thing that made my childhood difficult was that I had a learning disability. It was really hard for me to read and write when I was younger, and people made fun of me for it. They called me dumb and stupid, and it hurt — especially when it came from classmates. I tried so hard, but no one seemed to see that. They’d just say I wasn’t trying hard enough. I started to feel ashamed of something I couldn’t control. I tried to hide it, afraid of being judged even more. But now that I’m older, I’ve learned to accept that part of myself. It’s made me stronger. I’ve worked incredibly hard to grow and improve, and I’ve come so far from where I used to be. I’m proud of myself for that.

In elementary school, I didn’t really have any friends. I would talk to people who seemed nice at first, but they always turned on me. They’d talk behind my back, laugh at me, and make me feel completely alone. I stuck around them because I didn’t have anyone else — but they weren’t real friends. I was bullied a lot, and some of the worst moments of my life happened in those years. That pain stayed with me.

The one person who always stood by me was my sister. She’s always been my biggest supporter. Even before I said anything, she knew I was different. But she never pressured me. She waited until I was ready. She always made sure I felt loved and reminded me that I was enough — that I was worth protecting and fighting for.

Middle School

As I got older, I started understanding myself more. In middle school, I began to identify as gay because I knew for sure that I didn’t like girls. But even then, I wasn’t fully out—I only came out to the people I felt really close to. That’s when I met someone who I truly thought was my best friend. After so long of not having a real connection, I finally felt like I had someone who genuinely cared about me. She taught me so much about love, loyalty, and what it means to have a true friend. I will always be grateful for everything she showed me during our friendship.

While we were friends, we met someone else who eventually became a part of our little circle. She also became a really important part of my life. The three of us would always hang out together, go out, play games, laugh, and talk for hours. Even though we ended up going to different high schools, we still kept in contact and remained close.

🏫 High School in LA

When I went to high school in L.A., I started to really open up more. I attended a small private high school where I met a few people I could trust. That’s when I began expressing myself more—I started wearing lashes, press-on nails, and a bit of makeup. For the first time, I felt like I was really living as me. But I still wasn’t out to my family, so as soon as I got home each day, I would take everything off—rip off my nails, take off my lashes—and pretend like that side of me didn’t exist until the next school day. That became my reality for a while.

But then, everything changed again.

🌲 Moving to Oregon

Eventually, I only stayed in that school for one semester before moving to Oregon. I was devastated. I didn’t want to leave—I begged my mom not to make me go. I cried so much, and I felt depressed for a long time because I missed my family and I missed my two best friends. It was a really hard transition. Over time, one of my best friends—the one who was their before the trio—slowly started distancing herself from us and eventually drifted away. It hurt, but it made me realize how special my bond with my other best friend really was. To this day, we’re still best friends, and I love her so much. I know in my heart that she’ll always be my forever.

In Oregon, I found the kind of support I had never gotten before — especially at school. The school I go to now has helped me more than any school ever did in California. Things that once felt impossible — like reading and writing — have become manageable. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

And that’s when everything really started to change.

I started seriously exploring what it meant to be transgender. I thought back to when I was little — putting on dresses, playing with dolls, wishing I could be a girl. It wasn’t just a phase. It wasn’t drag. It was me. It is me. I finally understood that the person I had been trying to be wasn’t really me. I am — and always was — a girl.

I started talking to doctors, to specialists. I began learning about my options. And now, I’m living as a baddie. I know who I am.

🌟 Living My Truth