I wanted to share a very particular struggle I’ve been having with my practice lately, and a guided meditation to help us all deal with a feeling of stuck-ness, stasis and general malaise.
For the last nine months or so I've been weighted down with this sense of doubt about Buddhism and meditation.
My meditation practice has felt stale. My readings of Buddhist teachings have felt hemmed in. I’ve been frustrated by this overwhelming feeling that everything already had an answer.
Buddhism is an incredible 2,500 year old global tradition of meditation and teaching. As many of you know, there are libraries full of books on all aspects of thinking, emotion, psychology, working with obstacles. Every little aspect of our internal lives is broken down into lists - 12 nidanas, 18 ayatanas, 4 noble truths, 6 paramitas, etc.
It’s totally incredible. It’s been my main focus for almost 30 years.
But about six months ago I was speaking with my friend Andrew and he crystalized something that has been gnawing at me for a while. He said “Life is just all about the mystery isn’t it? What we don’t know. What we have yet to discover.”
I was floored. That’s what I had been missing in my practice.
The excitement of discovery, the joy of creativity, the lure of the unknown, the challenge of exploration. Where was that in my practice? I was feeling like everything from here to absolute complete enlightenment was already mapped out. I had a very very long way to go, but all I had to do was follow the path. Plod along to a goal that frankly I would probably never reach. Just follow the recipe for a meal that would never be served.
Until just a couple of days ago when I sat down to practice.
I’m not sure what it was on that day but sitting down on my cushion felt like I was on the edge of a cliff.
For the first time in a long time I realized I actually didn’t know what was going to happen next.
I didn’t know what thoughts were going to come up or what emotions I was going to go through. I had no idea!
Here was the edge of the mystery. Anything could happen.
The present moment is right on the edge of the mystery of life. In five seconds, a blood vessel in my brain could pop or I could see the most beautiful bird fly by the window. Anything!
The teachings are often described as a map for the spiritual journey. But we travel the path ourselves, and the map is different than the path.
The point I’m getting at here is that on this journey, the map is not complete. It’s rough. It’s like a sketch on birchbark with a coal from the fire. There are big blank spaces on this map that only we can fill in. There is a lot more to explore.
Ok, I’ve composed a guided meditation on these themes. Please join me if you like…