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Now I’m not saying I think it’s ok that I accidentally dropped a text containing all the dirty laundry of an encounter with another man to my graigslist profile but I don’t understand the crazy reaction either. If he really doesn’t want anything serious and wants to keep me at arms length then why would he go so freakin’ crazy about this?? If I’d had to predict his reaction then I’d think it would be more of a low key ‘I don’t think that was meant for me text’ and the cold shoulder for a week. I suppose it’s one of two things; he either really does care about me or is just attention seeking and jealous. I’d like it to be the former, sadly I think it’s the latter. Well I’ve apologised (not for going elsewhere – he chose this set up) and will leave him be for a bit.

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The new week commences without further drama luckily. David calls me for a chat and we’re on the phone for an hour laughing and joking. I really haven’t thought too deeply about the potential outcome between us. I enjoy talking to him, he’s very intelligent and cheerful but as I’ve said before he doesn’t exactly light my fire. He offers to take me out for dinner on Friday though and it sounds good to me, any excuse to get dressed up! Of course graigslist men are like busses and Mark calls saying he’s been dying to see me and wondering what I’ve been so busy with (?!?!! ;). He says he’d have hassled me more for another date but he’s just about to complete on a flat he’s buying and it’s taking up all his time. He knows I’ve got tickets to see a band that I really like on Saturday and he asks if I’m still going, all my mates have let me down so I tell him I was planning on selling the tickets on ebay.

He tells me excitedly that his mates have got a spare ticket for him so we can all go together if I still want to go. He also says he’s got some tickets for someone he knows I want to see the following week, he won’t tell me who it is and we like a lot of the same bands so I’m quite excited! It’s lovely and I’ve accepted but I kind of feel guilty now because he’s blatantly going to a lot of effort and I’m all over the place! Oh well, he doesn’t need to know that. I’m just hoping that the knight in shining armour will make himself more obvious so I can un-complicate my life a bit!Well dinner with David was ‘nice’. He was a gent, we had fun, had a peck before he got his train. He’s a lovely chap but I just don’t have much more to say on the subject!

The graigslist gig with Mark was a bit more intense however; the ‘friends’ turned out to be his best mate and girlfriend who are pretty much his second family. I felt like I was being interviewed for the role of his intended! They were very nice and all but waaaay too interested in me and what I’m all about. It did shake my cool exterior a little as one thing about dating all these men is that I suppose I can be who I want to be around them and they pretty much drink it up because they want to believe it. We had a few bevies and relaxed however but Mark got soppier as the evening wore on. He was really looking at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes and it’s the first time I’ve thought ‘I’m just not sure I’m ready for this!’ as it wasn’t just lust, I could have coped if it was!

By Sunday graigslist seems to have recovered from his outburst last week and calls to see if I want a roast dinner and a DVD (we all know what a ‘DVD’ means!). It’s cool by me, we knock around together, the subject of last weeks drama isn’t mentioned and it’s nice to catch up. I’ve missed him, dare I say it. I don’t stay over, I never do and I’m not sure how that’s happened but I think that next level of intimacy would have made things a whole lot messier. I haven’t actually just had ‘a cuddle’ with a man in a long, long time. I’m not saying that’s good or bad, just passing comment really. This is hard to admit but I don’t like just getting up and leaving afterwards and sometimes in the car on the way home I actually get a bit upset. I usually go home and have a contemplative glass of wine and cigarette on the balcony wondering how on earth I ended up like this!