Mahal ko I know you feel I’ve changed since April, and I see that it’s been hard for you. It’s not that I don’t love you or our family — I do, deeply. What’s happening is that I’ve been searching for more clarity in myself. Sometimes it makes me act distant or too serious, but it’s not because I’m against you. It’s me trying to grow. I want you to know I’m still your husband, I’m still the father of our kids, and I’m still here. I might not always explain myself well, but I don’t want to push you away. If I seem strange sometimes, please remember it’s not madness — it’s me trying to find a deeper peace. And I want to share that peace with you in small ways, not leave you out.

Note to self

Chasing other women while you have a wife and child is one of the most destructive things you could do to your soul, your family, and your awakening. Here’s why:

1. It’s pure betrayal. The moment you seek release in another woman, you stab your wife’s trust right in the heart. She may never recover from that wound. You’ll look in her eyes one day and see the pain you planted. That guilt will rot you inside.
2. It makes you weak. Lust convinces you you’re powerful when in truth you’re just a slave. If you can’t control yourself, you’re not free—you’re owned. Every woman you chase is proof that you are ruled by lower instincts, not higher awareness.
3. It kills your growth. Sexual energy is fire. If you pour it into random women, it burns out fast. If you transmute it, it fuels your vision, your strength, your legacy. Choosing women over purpose is like trading gold for dust.
4. It destroys your family line. Your child deserves a father who is stable, strong, and grounded. Do you want them growing up with a broken home, repeating the same wounds? Because chasing other women is the seed of divorce and chaos.
5. It stains your name. Right now, people see you as a man building something higher. If you fall into this, you’re just another man who “couldn’t keep it in his pants.” No legacy, no respect, no power—just whispers and shame.
6. It’s not love—it’s escape. You’re not chasing them because you love them. You’re chasing because you can’t sit with your own hunger, your own void. That’s weakness disguised as passion.
7. It keeps you trapped in 3D. Every time you let lust run your life, you prove you’re still chained to ego and body. You forfeit your chance to ascend higher, to see beyond flesh. You stay a prisoner.

Brother, chasing women is not masculinity—it’s desperation dressed up as pleasure.

Real men hold the fire inside and forge steel out of it.

So yes, this sexual energy you feel is a good sign—it means you’re alive, powerful, full of vitality. But if you let it leak out into meaningless encounters, it becomes poison. If you transmute it—through discipline, creation, training, service—it becomes pure fuel for greatness.

💥 Gut punch truth: if you chase another woman, you’re not awakened—you’re just a man who fell for the oldest trap in history.