🗝️ Switch from attachment to self to concern for others.
Have self-acceptance >> Adler: “the important thing is not what is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.”
- Accepting one’s irreplaceable ‘I’ just as it is
- Focus on what one can change, rather than on what one cannot
- Have courage to change what one can change
- We do not lack ability. We just lack courage. It all comes down to courage.
Have confidence in others
To place unconditional confidence at the base of one’s interpersonal relations, rather than seeing doubt
- The basis of interpersonal relations is not founded in trust but confidence.
- Confidence is believing in others without any set conditions whatsoever. Even if one does not have sufficient objective grounds for trusting someone, one believes.
- Separation of tasks: Whether one gets ‘taken advantage’ of is the other person’s task.
- Aspire to see others as our comrades
Contribute to others
- Having other people as one’s comrades connects to finding refuge in the community one belongs to. So one can gain the sense of belonging that ‘it’s okay to be here’
- We are truly aware of our own existential worth only when we feel that our existence and behaviour are beneficial to the community. ‘I am use of to someone’.
- The contribution doesn’t have to be a visible form. It just has to be enough to have the subjective sense of being of use to someone. A feeling of contribution.
- Happiness = feeling of contribution.
- Work: we work to contribute to others and to confirm our sense of belonging, the feeling that ‘it’s okay to be here’
These 3 are linked as an indispensable whole in a circular structure
- There are two objectives for behaviour: to be self-reliant (1) and live in harmony with society (2 and 3)
🗝️ Do not be dependent on vertical relationships or be afraid of being disliked, and just make your way forward freely. Separate the tasks between yourself and others.