Hello. Welcome back to my podcast. How is everyone doing? I'm currently speaking from you from my home in China. Today is lovely weather. It's very sunny, it's very warm. I'm currently recording at 3pm on a Sunday. My parents are taking a nap, so I can't be too loud, otherwise I would wake them up. Anyways, this episode is my yearly reflection of this passing year of 2025. It's almost so crazy to think how this year is almost over. I think as I grow up the time passing definitely becomes quicker for me. It's honestly crazy to think how this podcast is almost one year old. I'm pretty sure I uploaded the very first episode on the 24th of December, 2024. Oh, it's been a whole years. It's crazy! I can't think of another word other than crazy sorry.

In order to celebrate the one year anniversary of this podcast, I want to make a q&a episode. I've been wanting to make a q&a for so long, but I've been kind of dreading it, because I fear no one is gonna send me any questions. So here is a public call that if you have any questions, wanted to ask me about me, personally, my life, what I do, what I like or about this podcast, English. I know a lot of you guys listen to me because you want to practice English. Anything, honestly, anything you could leave a comment, I don't get that many comments, so if you leave any comments, I'll be sure to see that or you could add me on WeChat. Yeah, I'll be sure to see that as well. I've already got a few questions. So thank you, everyone who have already sent me questions. Honestly, seeing these questions make me very happy and excited about the next podcast. But I always say, if I get too little questions, I might not do it. So yeah, if you're too shy, you could send me the email as well. Everything will be in the show note or the description section of this podcast on whatever platform you're listening anyway.

Let's get started. I fear this episode is going to be very long, but I feel I haven't made a longer episode in a while, and this feels like it.

So let's go back to December 2024. Looking back now, I was in a very different state of mind. I feel a completely different person. Just some background of context. If you're an OG listener, you know that I went through a very painful, sudden breakup in the end of September 2024. This experience literally put me into depression. I was crying a lot; I wasn't feeling any emotions other than pain and numbness. I was not looking forward to anything, even those things that would typically make me excited, for example, going on a trip or seeing a friend, and I wonder whether I would ever be fine again, just because how painful that I was going through. However, I was desperate to pull myself out, because I just cannot stay in that state forever. I'm like, surely, this must end, right? So I started to get into this era that I called trying new things. I did a lot of active things. I went on a solo trip. I also started to go to the gym. I had this reading urge that I read a lot of books, and even I started this podcast; this is the whole point. And somehow I continued, and this feels a very safe space to me.

Okay, sorry, I keep going off tangent, but basically, last December, I went back to China for my Christmas break. I just needed the break. I needed to escape from London to avoid the environment that have so many memories, and especially that person. And then overall, I had a very decent Christmas break in China; the weather was warm as well, and I went to Beijing for a few days with my mom. I went to Shenzhen and Zhuhai to see my friends.

Early this year, I think second of January, I went to Zhuhai again, and Macau for a two day trip with my friend Kristy. However, I was still in a very devastated state of mind. I was feeling very helpless. I also had an exam to prepare for. It was a finance exam, and I knew nothing about finance. So I was feeling a bit stressed as well, because I need to cram all the content within two weeks after the exam. I felt very relieved. And then I went on this half day trip with my best friend to St Albans. If you don't know, St Albans is a town just outside of London that nobody really cares about. It was famous for its cathedral, because the cathedral is really old and really grand or something. Had a really decent day, a little break outside of London.

And then on the 20th of January, I got my very first Master's offer from UCL. So at that point I know that I will have a place to go after I graduate in summer. And then another thing about January is that I decided to audition for the King's Opera Magic Flute. I did this because I really wanted something to keep myself busy. I wanted to stay outside of my university to, you know, I just can't stay in that place anymore. I need to be away from my ex. King's is another university that's one street away. I don't know anything about opera, but I sing a lot, so it's something I want to try as well.

Now, looking back, I was really glad that I auditioned, because little did I know, I ended up going into more of King's productions — their musicals, their opera scenes, concert — and then I ended up meeting a lot of new people that I would otherwise never met. A few of them, we became really good friends and still keep in touch.

And going into February, honestly, I just hate February. February feels a really dark winter month for me, and I was still kind of struggling with my depression. My best online friend, Chloe, came to visit me in February for her reading week, and then we recorded an episode, pretty sure that was episode 16. Me and Chloe, we knew each other through an online chatting app six years ago; in 2024 February, I visited Canada — that was the first time we ever meet offline in person. So we were no longer online friends. We are long distance friends now. And then she came to visit me in London. It was pretty cool.

On my reading week, I decided to come home for two weeks. I never really come home during reading week, nor did I ever understand why people do so because it's only a week. It's so short. Why bother? You know, home is so far away, but to me, as I said many times, I needed to be away from the environment. I was struggling mentally so much. It turns out to be a really good decision, because my friend Kristy and I took a trip to Hainan, Haikou for a few days. It was so lovely. We had so much fun, honestly, we didn't even plan anything. It was a really chill trip that we ended up visiting this really cute cafe, and talked to the owner.

Going into March. As I'm speaking, I'm looking at the photos to remind myself what happened. Nothing really changed, honestly. A few things happened in March. The first one is I got accepted to Oxford. I remember they sent me this email, which is an informal invitation to an offer holder event. It was before the formal offers came out, but in the email, they say, congratulations, we will send you an offer in a few days. So at that point, I was pretty sure that I got in. I can't remember what time it was — could be 12am or 3am — I can't remember, but as soon as I got the email, I took a few moments to digest it, because I knew I probably will end up going to Oxford. And then I woke my mom up. My mom was so excited, definitely more excited than me. However, weirdly, I was not feeling very excited, because I just think Oxford is such a big name and probably the best university in the world. I wasn't sure if that's the right place for me, or Am I qualified enough for that? I was feeling down actually for a few days. It just feels like the right thing. But is it really the right thing? I don't know.

I also had a really bad, confrontational conversation. Okay, it was barely a conversation. He blocked me first, and then I blocked him back. We blocked each other. From that point, I felt this relationship is really over, even though it's been long gone for six months. At that point, it just took me so long to grieve that relationship and to really acknowledge that this person is no longer the person I knew. I cried so much that night — I cried for nine hours straight, I'm pretty sure. However, the magic thing is that starting from the next day, I started to feel a lot better, because I had this realization that if this person blocked me, this means he doesn't care about me at all, he doesn't care about my feelings. So why do I have to keep torturing myself? Why do I keep myself stuck in this horrible mindset? What am I waiting for? Am I waiting for him to suddenly text me and say actually, I miss you? That's not gonna happen. So I realized that I am ultimately the person who's responsible for my emotions, for my happiness, so I might as well make myself happier. So yeah, starting that day actually felt a lot better and I started to recover day by day.

March is also the end of term. I had a lot of concerts, a lot of shows coming up. It was a really hectic concert season, a few of them that I had to organize as well. So it was even more responsibility. I really enjoy that business though. March/April season, the clock changed. We switched to summertime. We started to have longer days, and the temperature went up as well, which lifted my mood quite a bit. I think if you live in the UK, you know that your feelings are heavily impacted by the weather.

And then we have April, as I said, spring is coming. Spring is here. I remember, for the last day of term, my friend and I went to Hyde Park, or Green Park. I can't remember. We went to a park. We bought some coffee as well, and then we just lay down in the park. It was such a lovely day, and I was feeling really relaxed and joyful at that moment. Term is ending. I know that I'll be away; I will be gone from this university very soon. A lot of these things I experienced will eventually just become memories. I also went to Nice, France with my best friend. It was a really lovely trip. We also went to Monaco.

April was also the revision season. This is the life of being a student: you're always learning and preparing for an exam. May is the main exam season. So my Easter break, aka April, is the main revision season. I had three exams coming up; two of them were three-hour closed book exams. I've never had a three-hour exam before; it was stressing me out. Honestly, I was studying every day and hoping that I would get a decent grade, and on top of that I had an 8,000-word dissertation to work on as well. I also went to watch a Man City match at Wembley in person. This is my first time watching Man City, which is my club, in person. That felt really good.

Coming into May, nothing too much happened; life carried on. I was kept busy with all the exams and stuff, and sneaking in a few social plans. I remember feeling really relieved, finally done after my final exam. I felt liberated, and I was a bit emotional as well, because even though I was really hating school for the last year because of the breakup, when it came to the point that I really had to say goodbye to this place that I'm so familiar with, there were some mixed feelings.

Again, end of term, I also had a few more shows/concerts coming up. In particular, I joined a UCL and KCL joint opera scenes concert. So I was rehearsing back and forth between UCL and KCL as well. What was really fun about this was after that concert, we all went to the pub, and I even made a podcast episode about what happened that night. It was a really unforgettable experience. I titled that episode something like, it's good to end that way.

Coming into June, exams were done at this point. I was fully enjoying my life for two weeks, I think, and I was partying a lot. I was drinking a lot, actually. Then I went clubbing with my chamber choir, with my friends as well. It was our first and also last chamber choir clubbing. I think we got out at 4am or something, and then we all sat next to the Thames River and watched the sunrise.

June was also a goodbye season. It was my last London days. I had to say goodbye to a lot of people. These people, after they leave, after they graduate, will probably never see each other again. So it was a bit sad as well. My friend Aaliyah and I also took a trip to Italy for three days. Italy has been a place that I've always wanted to go. I just feel really connected to the country. My name Sienna is actually from a city in Italy called Siena. There was a time that I was really interested in Renaissance art and art history, that kind of thing, and Italy is the perfect place to go.