Hello. Welcome back to the podcast. I apologise for not being active on social media for almost a month, but actually, a lot of things happened. Obviously, I have started my studies officially at the University of Oxford in Oxford. We only have eight weeks every term, and this is Wednesday of week two. Time just flies by super quick. I wasn’t planning to record this podcast now because I have actually scheduled a guest podcast with my friend Tracy next week. However, I finished a really long-ish study session this morning for my macroeconomics, and I finished the problem set, and I was feeling a bit tired. I had lunch, and then I’m just chilling in my room right now because I feel like I deserve a little bit more rest before starting my next study session. I thought it would just be nice to have a little update with you.

Okay, first of all, I have a very, very funny story about the party at matriculation. So if you don’t know, basically, matriculation is this ceremony traditionally held in Oxford and Cambridge, and maybe Durham, I’m not sure, and Trinity College Dublin, and it is basically like a new students’ enrolment ceremony. We all have to wear our academic gowns and the sub-fusc, which is in Latin, means dark. It’s basically like a uniform, you could say. For guys, you have to wear a black suit, dark suit, with a bow tie, and basically formal wear. And for girls, we have to wear a white shirt and black tights, black stockings, and a dark skirt, and then obviously our gown as well.

Actually, the ceremony itself is really short. So on last Saturday, we all assembled in the college chapel. They gave us a little talk, and then we walked to the Sheldonian Theatre at the centre, and had our matriculation ceremony there. We didn’t actually do anything, it was just at the theatre. We were sitting and listening to the speeches, and they spoke in Latin. Obviously, it’s an old ceremony. And then, honestly, not too much. We walked back, had lunch at the dining hall, and then at 2 p.m. we had this massive group photo. It’s all the people who have matriculated that day. We had to take a group photo, and honestly, it just took so long to gather 200 plus people to be in one single photo. And it was so cold as well. I think it was around 10 degrees, and we were only wearing a shirt. It was so cold, and we had to wait for so long. But yeah, glad that the picture was done. And then I took a self-portrait as well. Still waiting for the picture.

Anyways, I was super, super tired at that point, around 3 p.m., so I came back, had a really long nap, probably lasted for two or three hours. Normally, in the evening after matriculation, which is such a big day, we have a party. So I went to the matriculation party, which is very convenient, it’s just downstairs in my accommodation, and it’s crazy. I came in with the mind that I kind of want to get drunk. I have not been drunk for a while, and I think being at the matriculation party is a perfect, solid excuse to drink a little bit more.

And then I did. I was drinking vodka, tequila, rum, all sorts of liquor. I don’t know if my tolerance has worsened or anything, but I think this time I got drunk quicker than I expected, because normally I think my tolerance is really good, and it usually takes me more than two hours to get drunk. I get tipsy quite quickly, but still, I regard myself as someone who can drink a lot. So I think I arrived at the party around 8:30, and then I think I was already properly drunk around 10, because the next day I looked at my phone, there were some pictures, and the time stamp is 10 p.m., but I have no recollection of how those pictures ended up on my phone.

Yeah, so I think it officially counts as a blackout, because I just lost those memories. And I think I’ve been blackout twice before, but it was three years ago. It was a long time ago. When I’m drinking, sometimes I get tipsy, sometimes I get drunk, but never properly blackout. So after three years, I successfully got blackout again, which is low-key scary and also embarrassing, because apparently, after I was drunk, my friends said I fell down, I fell over to the floor and hit my head. They were super worried, and they had to call this medic girl and ask for help. This medic girl was checking if I had a concussion. It’s so funny. I completely lost this memory. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how I left the room.

My next memory is probably around 1 a.m., when my friends accompanied me to my room, and they were in my room. One of my friends was playing my violin. I remember that, but I think that was close to 1 a.m., so yeah, I lost the memories for three hours.

The next day, I woke up around 9 a.m., which is really early, but because I had this burning headache and was desperate for some water. By that time, I was conscious. I knew I was out, and that I was drunk. I had memories from around 1 a.m., and I looked at my phone, and all my friends were texting, “Are you okay? Let me know when you wake up. I hope you’re safe. Let me know how you’re doing. Let me know if you feel uncomfortable.” Those caring messages were really sweet. Thank you, my friends. But it also made me feel very embarrassed because I couldn’t think of anything, I didn’t know what I’d done. I was double-checking with my friends, “Did I say anything crazy?” and they were like, “No, you’re fine.” So I felt a bit more reassured.

The next day, because I’m in the choir, we have chorus duties on Sunday. We have Evensong, and we were rehearsing around 3 p.m. I completely zoned out. I was there, but my soul, my spirit, was not there. I still managed to sing. I felt okay the next day. I had this really painful hangover for three hours from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. I think my hangover always tends to disappear around noon, but before that, I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t stand up to do things. I had to just lie in my bed and play Monopoly with some bots for two hours before I could get up, take a shower, eat, and reply to those embarrassing messages.

But yeah, I’m sharing this story because it’s super funny to me, but also just a reminder that if you want to get drunk, that’s fine. First of all, make sure that you’re in a safe environment. For me, I was just drinking downstairs, literally, I can just go up and it’s my room, so it’s not like I have to walk for 10 blocks to get back. Second of all, make sure someone’s taking care of you. I was with my friends, and honestly, two of them are my new friends, and I’m just really grateful that they took care of me. Just being safe is the most important thing. And maybe don’t get drunk, don’t get blackout too often, because it’s honestly so scary. It’s funny, it’s embarrassing, but it’s honestly scary because you just lose this memory. You don’t remember anything, as if it’s never happened. I don’t like this feeling of having no control or consciousness over anything.

I get drunk approximately every three months, so it’s okay, but after that, I was like, I need to quit alcohol for a month now. It’s a funny experience, but yeah, obviously it’s drinking. British people love drinking, and it’s Freshers’ Week. That’s what I’ve been telling myself. Anyway, that’s the story that I wanted to share. I don’t know how you feel about this. Yeah, glad that I’m safe. Everything’s fine. Thank you, my friends.

The next thing I want to share with you is that I am two weeks into my course, so by the end of this week, a quarter of this term will be done, and everything feels super fast, and I’m already feeling I’m falling behind. I feel very stressed because in my life, I have four things to balance.

First of all, it’s my coursework. Economics is really demanding, especially since it’s designed for people who want to continue to do a PhD or DPhil, you could call it in Oxford. It’s very academic, very rigorous. Obviously, it’s great training, but I think during last week, I was seriously thinking, should I switch the course? Does it make sense to study something that’s so hard when I don’t even want to stay in academia? I just want to find a job. But under certain circumstances, I couldn’t transfer courses, so I have to stick with it, which is fine. I chose it because this course is two years, and I also want to get more training in economics, so I guess I’m sticking with it. Coursework is really demanding.

The second thing I have to balance is I’m trying to find an internship, because I really want to get an internship this year. It’s my penultimate year, and next year I’ll be looking for full-time jobs. These two years are my last two years in academics, being in school. After that, I’ll be in the workplace, so I really hope to get more professional experience. It reminds me of two years ago, when I was in second year of university. I was feeling super overwhelmed and anxious about finding internships, and that’s how I’m feeling now. But now I’ve learned to play it cool. At that time, I wasn’t sure about my career path, and I was applying to everything. I also didn’t have much experience looking for jobs, but now I know what I’m going to do. I’m more specialised in my applications, so that’s better. Still, I haven’t heard back from anything, which means I have to be more active in searching for jobs.

The next thing I have to balance is I’m helping some students with their personal statements, and honestly, it takes a lot of time as well. It’s kind of like my part-time job, and it’s my responsibility because I know personal statements are really important for applying for jobs, so I don’t want to mess it up. I signed up for this.

The last thing is obviously my social life and extracurriculars. This year, I am in the Keble College Choir, which is actually a crazy amount of commitment. We have three services every single week. Tuesday is Evensong, Thursday is Compline, and Sunday is the Eucharist. We have rehearsals before each service as well, and we also have drinks or dinner after services. So it amounts to more than 10 hours of commitment every week. And obviously, I still want to be social, I want to attend some social activities, I want to hang out with my friends.

Now I’m still struggling to prioritise, to know what’s my priority. If I have to rank these four things, I feel like I’ll put them all in the category of both important and urgent, which makes no sense and does not help at all. I’m still searching for ways that I can best balance this, maybe be more efficient in my studies, only attempt the problem set questions that are going to be marked, and then go back when I revise later on.

Also, I think I need to start learning to say no to things. I need to stop signing up for more things. I auditioned for an opera scenes concert and got rejected, and I was sad, but I also told myself, “Sienna, you’ve got too much on your plate this term. It’s okay. Nothing more will distract your attention.” Just stick to your plans. You already have a lot going on.

Last but not least, I also want to try to go to more talks or events, because now I feel like most of my time is either studying alone or doing choir, doing music. I was talking to a friend last night, and he said he actually regretted putting so much time into music. He could have gone to more talks, events, speakers, and been more involved in academic things or other stuff that’s not music. I think that’s actually a good point, because now my whole life is music as well. Music is everything I do other than the stuff I need to get done. Maybe I should go to more environmental or economics talks.

I’ll update you, I promise, when this term finishes, I’ll have a really proper, detailed update. Honestly, it’s not even that long. Like I said, it’s week two. Week two is almost done. That means a quarter of this term is done, and we’re now almost at the end of October. Winter time is coming, the most depressing time of the season. It’s almost making me so sad that summer time is over, and I have to endure the darkness and coldness. Sunlight will be gone by 4 p.m.