Saturday, May 29th, 2021, 17:42 IST

People have told me a lot of times, "You tend to react to situations instantly, Mehak." (To be clear, it is not a physical reaction. It's a psychological process that goes behind my mind.)

It's not false.

I do that. Whenever things go wrong, my first and foremost reaction is to blame myself. Why? Because that's how I deal with things. And more often than not, I can backtrack my decisions and mistakes. I call it acceptance on my terms.

I'm not overly apologetic. Instead, I'm just adjusting to the fact that something went left. While I'm open to opinions about what went wrong as a whole, I would like to check my history until we figure that out.

I'm 100% sure this is not the best practice, but I'll bet that it's not completely bad. I have a bias of learning better through this process. So I'll just list the pros and cons here.

Pros:

1. I always learn about things like - Behaviours, Design, Collaboration. No matter what.
2. I have been able to accept and own my flaws better than ever.

Cons:

1. My behaviour goes into a default apologetic tone which sometimes makes me feel less able. (On that very instance)
2. This process has made me an overthinker.

Some thoughts to optimise this process:

1. Everything I do, everything that happens around me, is a "part" of my life. And not a representation of me as a whole. Take it light.
2. Blame is a negative term. It makes everything seem like a problem, even when it is not. I am trying to "accept" the situation without bringing blame into the frame.