Why: addressing inevitable situations that can negatively affect relationships and group dynamics.

Definitions

Conflict: Relationship between 2 people when one of them need something from the other that does not attend to that need.

Non-violent communication: a way to communicate without aggressing your interlocutor.

⚠️ When you express yourself saying "You did that, and it made me angry" it is quite violent to receive and makes the other person want to defend him/herself instead of being in empathy with you. Try to avoid using "you" and only speak with "I", for example "I'm this type of person, and when others do this or that, it makes me angry".

Non-violent communication matrix (with examples)

Processes

⚠️ Addressing conflict is counter-natural. Be aware of possible conflicts (even when they're small, before they get big) around you. Most of the time there are negative emotions due to them (but not always), which makes it more difficult to face and resolve. When you identify a conflict, do not wait and start a non-violent communication as soon as possible. The more you wait, the worst the situation could get.

A conflict resolution process can be triggered by one of the parties or suggested by an external person. Emotions, high voice... can be clues there is a conflict.

If you have a conflict with someone :

Level 1 = Someone pissed you off or hurt you, and you are feeling bad

Have a non-violent exchange with this person

  1. Take a deep breath
  2. Try to put yourself in this person's shoes, is him/she under any stress that can explain this attitude? Is it his/her usual way of being? Is it the first time this happens or is this on a more regular basis?
  3. If the questions at step 2. leads you into thinking something is really going on, then you need to talk to this person. You can of course take advice from other collaborators, but talking to others to avoid the person you have a conflict with is not the solution! And it can even make things worst by making you repeat and repeat this bad energy and spreading it around.
  4. Prepare your non-violent communication (see examples above)
  5. Call or zoom this person alone for a quick chat to explain calmly how you feel and clear the bad energy or miss-understanding away.

Level 2 = Clearly you are struggling to work with someone and the situation has worsened

Do a mediation with this person