Updated every Monday.
A collection of reflection excerpts from my journals. These will be rewritten over time into some (hopefully poetic) book of aphorisms.
Also refer to my Twitter.
|
|
|
|
13 August 2023. Clarity of thought begins when I look up from my phone, and ends when I impulsively turn it on.
7 August 2023. I have all the time in the world to read, write, think, create, I have no obligation to anyone other than myself. Is this some kind of heaven? I may have rediscovered the joy of solitude, the blessedness of singlehood, yet I know this heaven to be a hell at times, and I suppose all the more jarringly the older I get.
20 July 2023. Pornography defiles romanticism. It is ethically ambiguous, but what is certain is it is an aesthetic sickness, a sickness to the aesthetic life, an utter impoverishment of sexual love by way of separating the bodily pleasures from the fullness that is love with the fully participating flesh and soul of a fellow other, with the aid of the technological, the faux, the metallic. I see this now, a nice aesthetic slap to the face (thank God), and I am horrified at how I’ve participated in such a depraved act, for I am an aesthetic man who has defiled the aesthetic again and again, and I have been entirely unjust towards it, in every moment I’ve fallen to temptation. As long as my sexual pleasure is not truly in service of a worthy woman, I am bankrupting the spirit and soul of love. Oh God of Love, forgive me! I have failed you time and time again, and for many years. I see the depravity of my actions, and I am deeply remorseful.
15 July 2023. Watching someone else doom scroll, worse, doom scroll between all the different apps, makes me feel sick to my stomach. Yet I participate in such a ritual all the time. Watching someone else does it, just evokes the feeling of being so absurd, so wrong, so unhealthy, as if a collective brain sickness, so misguided—disgust, is the best word here.
15 July 2023. My. I feel like I’ve just laid my eyes on the most beautiful woman, except this woman is a city. Paris!
9 July 2023. [For current stage of life.] Stop starting, start finishing.