The most important thing to remember with autistic children is to introduce sexualised body parts and changes that will occur during puberty. For example, bath time is a good time to point out the child’s body parts and help them to learn what they are called. For this, it is better to use the formal names of the body parts (penis, vagina) but also tell them they may hear the parts referred to with different names at school or on the playground (for example, boobs instead of breasts). Remember to stress that the child does not need to be involved in talk of this nature if they do not want to.
Another method could be to sing songs like "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes", so they can learn to name their body parts and begin to establish awareness of them.
Work with the child’s school with this subject also, as they will likely have classes on puberty, sex, sexuality and relationships when they are at an appropriate age. If this is combined with teaching at home, it can remain consistent between the two parties. It is important to make sure the classes are taught at the child’s pace, and not introduced too early. Remember autistic people take a longer time to assimilate and adjust to changes in their life.
Do not presume that because the child has autism, they are heterosexual. The person is just as likely as anyone else to be LGBTQ+ and this must be taken into consideration when they are making friends or seeking out relationships.
Sometimes the child may ask a question at an inappropriate time, for example when they are in a public place. For this situation, it is best to design a ‘stock’ response that is used by all adults that have contact with the child. For example, "that’s a good question, we can discuss it when we get home."
While discussing this, it may also be a good opportunity to teach the child about the difference between private and public and what is appropriate in each. In order to facilitate this, you may need to provide a set of well-defined outlines such as:
who they talk to about any concerns they may have, such as a doctor, nurse, or parents
they should only undress or masturbate in a private room
which rooms are private and which rooms are public
that people should always knock on a bedroom door before entering (this will also need to be reinforced for all people visiting the house).
Use visual aids to help the child understand about physical changes
Another method would be to use a body outline, labelling all of the body parts and highlighting how each part will change throughout puberty, also talk about what fluids come out of what body part, like saliva, semen, urine, sweat, tears, menstrual blood and vaginal discharge.
Young autistic girls will need to be told that menstruation is a normal biological process, and they will not bleed to death. Make sure the child is aware where to go at school if she starts her period and make sanitary products readily available in her home. Do this by always putting them in the same drawer or cupboard, so the individual knows exactly where to go.
When demonstrating how to use sanitary products, use certain parts of the product to describe use, this way the individual is given points of reference so they can replicate the method.