Values are often defined as "things" that an individual "finds important". And when it comes to defining their values, most people can't be more specific than saying that they value kindness or community. Concepts like these do, of course, guide our social choices. But at that level of abstraction, our concepts are usually bundles of motivations. Kindness and community look very different when seen through different lenses:
📈 Goals / Fears: strategy
🛃 Setting Expectations: social modelling / ideological commitments
💍 Meeting Expectations: social roles / social norms
🌳 Personal Values: inspiration / appreciation
This field guide will help you begin to unbundle the concepts that guide social choices, and recognize when 📈 goals/fears or 🛃💍 expectations are crowding out 🌳 personal values.
🧔🏾Meet Ayodele. From the outside, his life looks spectacular. He has a high-status job. He and his wife Claire (a district attorney) own their own home. Their daughter Naija is an accomplished pianist and does very well in school. But even though Ayodele's life runs smoothly, it often leaves him rather sad. If you ask him about it, he just says that things feel a bit clinical. It's almost like something is getting lost, but he can't put his finger on it. It's as if all of his success were tinged with a vague sense of grief.
In his job as an investment banker, Ayodele relies on reams of data and facts to make well-informed decisions. In fact, he approaches things with rational calculation in nearly all aspects of his life. That includes how he goes about raising his daughter, Naija. Ayodele has read over 100 books about the best way to meet her needs, frequently scans the r/Parenting forum, started a local child-rearing research meetup, and even attends a bi-annual conference on developmental psychology at a nearby university to stay on top of the latest theories. What could Superdad possibly be missing?
One evening (dilligently following best practices), Ayodele is reading to Naija before bed. They are cuddled up together on the couch with Roald Dahl's Mathilda, a novel about a five-year-old girl who is incredibly intelligent and mature for her age. Ayodele becomes captivated by Matilda's ability to let intuition take the lead in deciding what to do next. It moves him deeply. As he tucks little Naija into bed, Ayodele feels a question forming somewhere deep in his body: is being »data-driven« really the best approach to life?