I’ve been thinking about how automatic it can become to blame or shame myself if I’m not careful, and how hard I’ve been trying not to do that lately. And I’ve been considering how to really be with myself when I don’t feel the spark — when I don’t want to dance — when all I can do right now is simply visit this world, not always knowing how to fully live in it despite the great desire to do just that.

There have been times where I’ve found myself desperate for the spark, for the capacity to Live Fully, for something to change, for myself to return to myself. That desperation has, in the past, led to me forgetting change is the only option, the only thing that will certainly happen… just not always on my schedule, on my timeline, on my wished-for flip of the switch, in the exact ways I envision. And when I practice letting go of how I think things are supposed to look and instead cultivate a trust in the unfolding that is taking place, often in unseen ways, the Here-ness of challenge or pain or depression or grief or (anything) softens even 5%, and that 5% adds up fast when I don’t assume it’s nothing. And I’ll wait for the spark, the capacity to dance, the Living Fully, to return, all while trying to notice how maybe this place I’m in isn’t a deterrent from my full life but is simply part of what it means to fully live. (View Highlight)